What a feeling...

So, it has been a good while since I last wrote, but for the most part, it has been intentional. Remember my last post? I wrote it on a day when I had reached “that point”. You know, the point where you know there is nothing more you can do and you feel so drained you don’t know whether the correct response to your situation is to laugh or to cry.

Well, I have news! I wrote my last post on a Wednesday. I was down in the dumps. I was still searching for a job, and I was slowly making a dent at the whopping $18.14 in my bank account. I was angry, and I was scared. How was I going to “make it”? I was terrified of the ramifications of not having the financial resources to make ends meet, completely forgetting the fact that I had/have much for which to be thankful:

I am healthy. My family loves me and is willing to help me, even to the extent of sacrificing things for themselves, I have good friends. I have a roof over my head, I have food for every meal, and, albeit a beggar, the world’s most intuitive and loving dog. I am not completely jobless; I teach piano/voice part-time and have the means to make about half of my necessary income. It is a job that I absolutely love, not to mention the fact that I have 16 students whom I love and adore… and who never fail to make me smile, if not laugh to the point of tears. I have clothes, a car that runs (well to be precise). Based upon what I do have, despite feeling nervous about what I do not have, I am wealthier than 66% of the world’s population. Kind of puts things in perspective, huh?

And let’s not forget that I serve a God who provides every single one of these things and far more. You think I’d learn not to doubt... Please do not ask me how many times I have said that phrase because it is more than my fingers and toes combined, and once I reached 20 (just for today, that is), I stopped counting.
So, back to Wednesday, September 22, 2010. I went to bed that night after writing an extremely long journal entry. My closing statement was “Your will, not mine. I’ve tried it my way, and it didn’t work. Here I am.” I awakened the next morning to go a meeting with a group of my fellow therapists. The meeting progressed as it normally did with one small change. A therapist from the small counseling agency that had previously offered me a job last March suggested that I give him a call by the end of the week. My mind began to reel! Six months ago, I had been offered a position at this same agency; however, I did not take the position because I had been offered another job that provided, I believed to be, more “financial security”… despite the fact that, in combination with teaching piano/voice, I was working close to 70-80 hours per week. Needless to say, I called. I forced myself to wait a few hours, so as not to seem “too eager” (even though I was, in fact, very eager). I left a message and waited… not very patiently, I might add. I was quite giddy with anticipation.

On Friday, September 24, I went with my mom to help babysit my nephew. We left at 5:45am. It was dark, and my mom was exhausted. However, sleep deprivation never inhibited me from speech, and I sheepishly admit that I drove my mom crazy with my incessant chatter on the hour-long drive. My nephew did not mind, and we held a very intellectual conversation… so intellectual that no one but us will ever have the capacity to understand. Our conversation was interrupted mid-morning when I received a phone call. It was a phone call in response to the message I’d left the day before. Was I willing to come to the next staff meeting to discuss options with the rest of the staff? Was I willing??!! To make the story a little shorter, the next few weeks were filled with interviews, meetings, and phone calls…

That all resulted in a job offer! Yes, a job offer!!! I am thrilled, relieved, and somewhat embarrassed that I so readily doubt the abilities of my Heavenly father. Isn’t it “ironic” that the potential for a job opportunity, the first and only open door was revealed only after I completely surrendered?

But now I have a job. Yes, it will be a slow start, but I have a job! A job that had been offered to me six months ago, but I did not take. A job that, had I taken six months ago, may not have allowed me to refinance my house. A job that was my first choice. A job that I have no doubt I will love. A job where I will receive incredible supervision and be surrounded by other therapists who will help me grow, professionally and personally. A job about which I am thoroughly excited! How many people get to say, “I have two jobs that I love, and I am excited to go to work”?

Was it worth the wait? Absolutely!!

Although I admit that I most definitely will not mind waiting for the next time I have to wait.