Ravaged

She had been ravaged... destroyed, invaded, broken, forgotten.

She used to think that there were things too sacred, too personal to be discussed. The "off-limits" subjects... the ones that make her think, or even worse, feel.

It was one thing to read about epidemic proportions in other countries, states, cities. It was another when the "devastating unfortunates" were within her arm's reach- the druggies, the prostitutes, the poor, the abused, etc... worse yet, when she realized she was one of "them."

One minute she was watching TV, listening to the "breaking news" about the latest world disaster. The next minute, she discovered contamination within her own flesh. She was no longer the observer, but rather a victim herself.

At first, she fought. With everything inside of her, and she hated anyone who wouldn't join that fight. But the drive to fight lessened, and she quit.

Her hopes are pinned upon the stories of other survivors. One year, two years, ten years of freedom. She faces a disease that can sometimes be "managed," but cannot be "cured."

In a general sense, the disease is sin. It manifests itself using drugs, alcohol, self-mutilation, denial, AIDS, eating disorders, cutting, cancer, and numerous other addictions and illnesses.

She would learn to savor moments... and reserve her hate for those who thought she should scream "unclean unclean" for the sake of those who viewed her as a leper.

Friends stopped dropping by. Others whispered when they thought she wasn't listening: "This 'disease' is a judgment upon the immoral. Damn them!!!!!"

She found new friends... who really weren't friends at all.

They say you can judge the soul by how it treats the unfortunate, the victims of the deadliest disease. At best, she'd been ignored. At worst, she'd been mocked, ridiculed, damned.

She found it difficult to remember how she used to be... playful, full of life, strong. She can only remember the relentless advance of such a ravaging disease, the melancholy warrior, the sunken eyes, the flesh hanging from bones. The helplessness. And ultimately the despair. The desire to die... She was broken, yet she did her best to smile, to try and convince everyone else she was "fine".