January 22, 1973
A decision was made today. A decision that changed the lives of countless individuals. A decision that impacted parents, grandparents, children, friends, siblings. For some it changed the lives of those who continued to live; for others it changed the course of life by withholding the experience altogether. It is a decision that, although deemed to be for good, preys upon the vulnerability of a wide-eyed and terrified soul. Terror derived from a variety of sources:

the 40-year old woman afraid of complications from a later pregnancy
the excited you mother recently told her child has a "defect" of some sort
the teenage girl barely old enough to drive
the college student who will lose her scholarship
the married young couple struggling to make ends meet

You name the terror, but it's there just the same.

I have felt it.

In case you haven't figured it out by now, January 22, 1973 marks the day abortion was made legal. Thirty-seven years ago a decision was made that changed my life. Not a day goes by where I don't think, "I wonder" or "What if." When my heart doesn't hurt and the tears don't threaten to fall. Of course it has gotten easier over the past almost ten years. It's hard to believe it has been that long. I am nearly 29 years old, and though age 17 seems like a life-time ago, it feels as though it were only yesterday.

How many countless other women are there? 45% of American women have had an abortion by the age of 40. 25% can be found within the American church. That means that one out of every four women you know in your church has probably had an abortion. That means that practically half of the women you know outside of church have had an abortion. Too many if you ask me.

Abortion hurts... too much for me to stay silent. Fear and shame breed in my secrecy, so I share my story. I am overwhelmed at the prospect of my sin being so exposed to so many people yet, my fear that others will never experience the freedom I have is greater. By no means do I wish to glorify my sin, but rather, I pray that somehow, by sharing, God will be glorified. So, on Monday, January 22, 2007, I shared my story publicly at the North Carolina State Capital. I was afraid, but I remembered what fear had done in the past, how terror had previously reigned. And how I succumbed. I could not let that happen again, so I had the precious opportunity to perform a song I had written about the pain experienced by those who are post-abortive, and although afraid, my story was shared...



One of my favorite Greek words is Katallasso. It means:
1. to change or exchange
2. to reconcile (those who are at a variance)
3. return to favour with, be reconciled to one
4. to receive one into favour
That basically means that all enmity is removed and no impediment to unity with GOD or purity in CHRIST remains!

One of my favorite quotes paints a beautiful picture of such reconciliation. This passage is a perfect example of the life of freedom I hope and pray we can all embrace and a challenge to love as Christ loves:
"He swung her up and lifted her above him joyously. She threw back her head and spread her arms wide to embrace the sky, tears of celebration streaming down her cheeks. He'd read to her once how God had cast a man and a woman out of Paradise. Yet, for all their human faults and failures, God had shown them the way back in. Love the Lord your God, and love one another. Love one another as He loves. Love with strength and purpose and passion, no matter what comes against you. Don't weaken. Stand against the darkness, and love. It's the way back into Eden. It's the way back to Life."

I cannot keep what HE has done a secret. May my life and story be a testimony to such grace.

In the meantime, friends, spread your arms wide and embrace!

©January 2010



little girl alone
waiting for the words,
"it'll be alright"
to come true
a thousand tears
falling from her eyes tonight
they tell a tale of what will never be
her silent pain screams louder than
the words, "i'm fine," and she breaks
still masquerading all she feels
and all she needs
"don't worry; it's ok;
be patient; you'll move on"
but all the platitudes of this world
will never be enough
so, who will dry the tears of that little girl
who cries again tonight?
for the phantom-child her arms still long to hold?
and who will hold that little girl
when she finally falls apart
and just lets go?
who will love?
little boy alone
waiting for the words
"it'll be alright"
to come true
his throat was slit
with burning lies of passion
his heart was pierced
with daggers of deceit
his silent pain tears him limb from limb
inside and he breaks
still masquerading all he feels
and all he needs
"don't worry; it's ok;
be patient; you'll move on"
but all the platitudes of this world
will never be enough
so, who will dry the tears of that little boy
who cries again tonight?
for the phantom-child his arms still long to hold?
and who will hold that little boy
when he finally falls apart
and just lets go?
who will love?

i long to hear
the words, "i love you"
from you
as much as you long
to hear them
from me too
but just so you know
i do

©2005